Turtle Ramblings

On July 1st, 2003, Turtlebrat was created.

It's funny reading the first few entries. Seems so sparkingly with energy and youth. Funny how subsequent entries seemed dull, jaded. If not at times delirious. Oh yeah, and the obsession about little girls and to sputter chinese all over the html.

For a start, I'm not Theodore Bagwell. *ahem*

4.5 years now. I've seen fellow LJers leave, break up, patch up, lead new lives, get hitched, self-destruct (not neccessary in that order). I myself got hitched too. Woohoo :) And yes, I'm a happy man.

Looking back, a lot of things happened. A lot. Perhaps, I should be thankful for that... yes, I am thankful. Pretty meaningless if I hold up a blank piece of paper and said, "Hey hey, that's 4.5 years of my life. Cool huh?"

Instead, I'm having difficulty holding up this piece of paper. Not quite sure if you know it's a piece of paper. It looks like it's been thru the toilet, stampeded upon...etc. You get the point. But it's not all that bleak. Oh look, there's a cute little bunny sticker with a smiley face on it.

I jest.

Not sure why, perhaps I am jaded. I feel silly writing down my thoughts 'coz it's incoherent most of the time. Took me close to 30 years to realize I'm a professional. Professional distractor. I distract myself. Games, fantasies, comics, porn, jotting down my thoughts and checking if others are reading, checking out other's (boobs) lives every other hour, chatting on IM, etc.

They are like a morphine jab. An escape.

Keeps my mind from thinking. You know that ringing sound you hear when you're a air-tight room? You just want to make some noise to make it go away. That's the feeling I have. I distract myself to keep myself thinking.

Perhaps I get a high from all these maybe.

But truth is, nothing happens after that.
The sun rises and sets. Another day passes and nothing I truly want is sowed.

What to hear something really strange?

Right now, I really would like, at least to start growing, a small tree for my family.

I guess that's what happens when you're turning 30. And married. And never knowing when some little brat will appear in this world taking your surname.

Horrifying really.

Given a choice between letting my kid wish he'll grow up faster so that he can hold the mouse and play that computer game his father's been playing all day; or to learn how to peel potatoes professionally like what his father does.

I choose the latter.

That being said, yes, it's goodbye for good really. I'm not coming back. I'm not really sure who or what I'm doing a goodbye too. But if you're reading, yeah.

Goodbye *wave happily*




Turtlebrat signing off.

I don't know why. I woke up in the middle of the night with recollections of distant past. Distant? 10-12 years ago? Man. Have I lived that long? Am I that old?

I remember the first day in school. JC. They had 1st week orientation programme to mix and mingle the students from various schools and backgrounds. Wasn't exactly the best experience. But hey, after seeing only males for the past 4 years, it's a refreshing (*wolfhowl*) change.

Probably my deepest memory of that week was that I was still wearing twin butterfly canvas shoes. Yes. Not Bata. It's some twin butterfly shoes. Only difference is, most of the other fellow students were wearing Nike, Reebok (yeah, those were "the" brands then).

Looking back, yeah. I think I just stepped out of stone age.

Then, accelerating, I see lil' snapshots. Snapshots of my JC life. The mood. What I was doing. Like precious photos, they reside in my mind. More colourful than any polaroid on earth. Fade, both, as they may, in time.

I could almost put the picture up together. Every corner, a memory. Something said, something felt. Something seen, something remembered. Life seem so vibrant and colourful. Purposeful and rich.

I miss something (or perhaps everything about it).

If its any hint, I feel I am holding a basketball standing in the centre of a vast flat open concrete floor. Or an novice chess player reaching the middle game.

Middle.
Mid.
OMG.

Enuff said.

Whooppee!~

途中遇上了上千名天灾游盗无家可归的游民, 而且还乞求收容保护.

说实在的, 其实我们自顾不暇, 还能帮外人? 除了行军变得缓慢, 更变成了游盗的攻击目标. 这负累也煞是太重了.

但, 到最后, 还是收容了他们 -- 老的晒鱼煮饭, 少的捕鱼喂马. 并非良心发泄, 而是因曹操的鸡肋.

食之无味，弃之可惜阿.

Was collecting my laundry, when I realizd I'm missing one sock.

TB: Damn, did my sock just flew downstairs?

Wife: Your sock committed suicide coz it cannot stand the smell of your feet.

位于极北部的中石镇, 竟日受外寇袭击, 百姓涂炭. 本土地肥沃, 乃据富之地. 欲求振兴壮大, 公告天下: 借兵除寇, 以粮草玉石良名为谢.

不参此战有三:

一, 中石镇民众心高气傲. 虽本土地肥沃, 也许时间和人力加以耕种； 若民求财但无更田进取之意, 何来的粮草玉石为谢?

二, 我军换兵迟迟还未到.

三, 我军出师的第一战. 须胜不可败. 局势未稳定. 倭寇乃地头蛇, 我军千里参战, 毫无地利可言, 胜算实属难料.

回报不定
过江之龙
兵力未全
败则百害.

虽十分吸引, 但犯不着冒其险.
咱静观其变.

Ate breakfast at the nearby market today. Just in front of me, the duck stall had rows and rows of glistening, oily, looking succulent, murdered ducks hung up on display in the glass cabinet as a warning to all other ducks.

Except, there wasn't any other ducks walking around.

People. All the people around. Armed with basic resources of two hands to manage inventory and to do asset transfers; bags to increase and to compartmentalize the storage; pieces of metal, a medium of exchange, the missing link in barter trade - value.

What probably caught my eye was the rows of ducks. How the duck did those, well, ducks get there?

Someone must have hung it there.
Someone must have roasted it too. Was it there in the stall?
Or was it elsewhere and delivered?
Early early morning then?
Why was there so many ducks there? Why not less? Why not more?
What happens to those ducks at the end of the day?

What exactly is the duck stall owner selling?

It ain't ducks. Ducks. Ain't no. Ducks. Shuddap. Ducks. Hell, no. It's his forecasting ability, skill with knifing ducks and Ducks his time. I heard you said ducks. Knifing ducks. All the same. Ducks ducks ducks. PPPPPPPPPPBbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtt



What am I selling then?

Ducks

Just flipping through the papers and you have teens, tweens, whathaveyou in gang fights and other acts of mischief.

What is laughable is dramatizing and mimicking Hongkong mafia-style.. "lighting a cigerette" and giving the victim a good one till the cigerette is finished.

Just 27th Sept alone:

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Courts%2Band%2BCrime/STIStory_161878.html

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Courts%2Band%2BCrime/STIStory_161893.html

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest+News/Courts+and+Crime/STIStory_161889.html

People like these should suffer tenfold the pain and fear they have inflicted on other people. Till they feel that searing pain on flesh and bone; till they feel that ice-cold fear of losing what is most important to them...eating away their insides; till that regret and remorse of knowing they might never do what they have always want to do in life for what they have done.

Animals.

Be disemboweled by the cleaver like the animals you are.

Lord Tarb Eltrut surveyed his lands. Before him, lies the lands, open to all. And the land was rich. Its loam produced the finest produce. The ore veins within the mines stretched for miles both below and across.

They just needed someone's hands to work on them. To farm the riches. To make him-- rich. Coincidentally, he did have hands. Not just his grubby little hands, ill-accustomed to any form of hard labour other than to tear the tender chicken drumsticks off his meal.

With him, he had his slaves. All 16 of them. Fit, strong and capable of working long hard hours without complaining. More importantly, they were his slaves. Bounded. Eternal servitude.

(Gentle readers, please say it after me... "Mine". Slowly, softly with the smuk of satisfaction like a devil saying to his souls in the abyss. "Mine".)

And Tarb, sat there on his throne, a carseat one of his slaves found in the local junkyard contemplating:

Now, if 8 of my slaves were to work on the fields and the other 8 to the silver mines, I could get enough to eat and surplus each day to buy even more slaves. Of course, those cheap, disloyal slaves bought from the market could hardly be counted upon. Many ran away after working a day or two, be it farm or mine. Still, they are cheap and if I could just squeeze a day of productive work off one of the slaves, the silver I get could well worth buying two of them the next day.

And with those two, I would be able to buy four of them the following...

Rich rich richhhhhhhhh~

With that thought, Lord Tarb started gurgling to himself like a little child who just found an interesting toy.

*snork snork*

(Gentle reader: A snork is like a combi of a cackle and a snore.)

Excited, Lord Tarb started pacing the room. His 16 slaves stood in the room watching him pace around in the room. Thoughts ran through his slow mind. Occasionally, he would stop, and glance over at the map in the center of the room, irritated.

On the map, showed little villages, the farmlands and the mineral veins of the fair land he lived upon. Upon closer inspection, one would see little notes scribbled probably by some oily grubby fingers on each of the farms and ores: How far the distance from the villages, the accessiblity, the maximum number of slaves required, etc. Details that would best aid Lord Tarb decide, how best to allocate his slaves.

Afterall, he dislikes slaves doing nothing. Their idle presence rudely reminds Lord Tarb of his own sloth lifestyle. And, unfortunately, the slaves are doing nothing right now. Just waiting for his instructions.

His decision.

Advert:

"If its cow, you can make milk!
BUT!! Make milk even when you are wrong!"


The moomoo about it:

If you bet that four-legged mammal is a cow (female), you get milk!
But hey, even if it's wrong, that is its not a cow but a sheep you can get milk too!

But what that leaves out, is that there is an assumption that only cows and sheeps are the only choices.

Which, after the insanity (and money) dissolves, one discovers how wrong that assumption is.

-----------
Today has been the most interesting day. I am happy.
I feel like Neo today.

Dissecting and seeing through the lines of code that the world runs on.

Good job kiddo *pat self on head*

夫運籌策帷帳之中，決勝於千里之外，吾不如子房。
鎮國家，撫百姓，給饋饟，不絕糧道，吾不如蕭何。
連百萬之軍，戰必勝，攻必取，吾不如韓信。

此三者，皆人傑也，吾能用之，此吾所以取天下也。
項羽有一范增而不能用，此其所以為我擒也。

其实我本性很好胜.

每个人都有童年回忆.. 奇怪的是, 我所记得的却只有我做错或不开心的回忆.

十三岁的我, 在比赛里赢了一位我没理由赢得人. 是我比他强吗？ 我不知道. 只知道他哭了. 感觉好奇怪...好像是我亲手用枪在他的头.. "砰!!" 了一声. The End. Game over 一样.

那年的比赛我因而得了全国第四, 却没有想象般的开心; 因为也没有人真正的鼓励我，奖励我. 好不空虚阿. 不仅何时, 胜利慢慢的不但不重要, 而且深深的印在我心灵: 我的胜利代表别人的失败，痛苦.

我也知, 我输不起. 个人荣辱, 逼我把本性露出, 却偏偏好害怕...赢.

所以那年开始, 我做了教练. 想起来, 才发觉其实我好渴望胜利. 有着你重视的人的欢呼, 有着上台时.. 往日一起苦练,喜,悲,年少的初恋暗恋..一一的由每一步在脑海里浮现.

我那时好快乐.
觉得生命在燃烧着.

长大的这些年来, 游戏, 比赛. 我养成了一种好奇怪的心态:

1) 若有可能, 个人比赛输赢的游戏, 我像乌龟(TB)一样避而远之.

2) 我从未真正的开心的赢过. 有时还刻意的选者输. 既然赢得不开心,输了大家开心,我心知我胜, 圆满收场, 何乐而不为?

3) 既然又怕输(尽了全力的输..)，又赢不起, 那就用九成 -- 若是一面倒，我还可拉回求和, 斩掉自己鹤立鸡群的头当一只无头鸡； 若不幸输了...我..未尽全力吗...

可笑吗?


可是将有一场空前大赛,我输不起.
时间不多了.

我要赢.

My head feels strangely sore. Not a headache.

Sore. As if I've been ramming my head into the wall. (Of course, that is a concussion, not a sore head).

Somehow, I think it's because of the recent swim I went. Haven't been swimming for a long while.


My ill-adjusted head was pushing thru and against the water.
All bruised from the effort.

First I thought about a crystal ball that shows me what the future holds, in particular, how the stock market prices would fair.. up or down.

Then I realize, that that may be the future, but if I were to buy, say, 100 million stocks knowing it will go up, will it not affect how the other investors behave and react differently and change the prices that was predicted before? I think its yes.

Unless, of course, the crystal ball had *already* knew and factored in what I was going to do.

But, that runs the paradox, how could it have known what I would do after seeing the ball? And yet, armed with this thought, does that mean by choosing otherwise I can change the future? But wouldn't the ball, too, foreseen that I would have thought so after knowing the future, and factored that in the vision presented.

That berefts a deeper meaning that because I see the vision as so, therefore I will, must and am compelled knowing that my action creates that future that I see.

Like in the Matrix, when Neo first met the Oracle, she said, "Oh, don't worry about the vase". And Neo turned around looking for a vase only to break it. It wasn't so much the accuracy of the prediction, but the prediction becoming a self-fufilling prophecy.

Best known example is probably the Greek legend of Oedipus.

Warned that his child would one day kill him, Laius abandoned his newborn son Oedipus to die, but Oedipus was found and raised by others, and thus in ignorance of his true origins. When he grew up, Oedipus was warned that he would kill his father and marry his mother. Believing his foster parents were his real parents, he left his home and traveled Greece, eventually reaching the city where his biological parents lived. There, he got into a fight with a stranger, his father, and killed him, and married his widow, Oedipus's mother.

Trapped by the prophecy? Or guided into fulfilling the prophecy?

*shrug*



Moral of the Story:
- Stick to 4D & Toto.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I was required to use my laptop to work at McDonald's yesterday morning.

Having found a corner at the back of the restaurant with my back to the wall (typical of a laptop user), I settled comfortably tapping away at the keys till something caught my attention.

Sitting just in front of me, with their backs to me, was two lower secondary school students. Male and female. They were talking loudly and well, as body language would indicate, they are a couple.

Then the girl arched her back backwards towards my direction, revealing her hotcakes (pun) ..on the table that they were having. And the guy shifted in front of her to get a helping of her hotcakes (pun). Simply put, one hand was on the food, the other hand had strayed (looking rather experienced) to her left breast. The girl did not look alarmed nor make any move to brush away the offending hand at her hotcakes (pun, which hand?), denoting they do often (hmm..) share their food together.

*twitch*

The girl later left for washroom, and when she came back, she stood beside the boy and the boy was putting his hand on her hip and caressingly moving it up and down her thigh.

Having settled the immediate issue in the company, I packed up my stuff and left. Didn't eat anything actually. Was full. Had McDonald's hotcakes and McChicken Thigh & Breast meat combo earlier.

Many thoughts filled my head as the scene replayed over and over.

What's becoming of this society?
Think having a daughter is bad.
Imagine when she grows up and the conversation goes:
"Going for McDonald's breakfast with your boyfriend is a BIG NO, young gal".
"What? Your favourite food is hotcakes?!"


And all that traumatized me. A sms from a school teacher friend goes along the way "Where have you been all these while? It's always like this".

What's going on? ;x




Last thought of the day.


Why did I go to an all-boys school?
Sigh.

A week after Mr & Mrs TB settled into their abode...

Dengue Alert
Two cases happened in the adjacent blocks to ours. OMG.

When I returned home today, I saw one resting on the dining table. IT'S A KILLA~~~~

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE~~~ *whack laptop on mosquito*

DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*overturns the whole dining table and smashes it on the floor killing the bugger*

*-99999 floats above the mosquito*

*mosquito dies*

*play victory music*

Missing you
I don't miss my wife. I see her like everyday. Not her parents though. And boy I can tell they miss her. We haven't started subscribing newspapers yet and we don't get Today near our place. And one morning, her father came down in the morning to bring her newspapers. o.O?!

Ate at in-laws place a few days back and her father told her he'll get breakfast for her tommorow morning. Wtf? O.o? (Background info: Her father gets her breakfast everyday in the past.)

I almost feel like I've ill-treated her, suppressed her from news and education, denied her of proper nutrition. BUT THIS CAN'T BE! SHE'S GAINING WEI-- knowledge and tender loving care from her husband! *cough*

I think my parents miss me tho. They called me several times to ask me if I remember if I paid last last year's television tax. (Huh? simi? o.O?!) Or if I remember if I had taken the red-coat-thingy-that-you-put-on-a-nail-before-u-nail-the-bugger. (Erm. Huh? o.O!?)

Really strange telephone conversations these days.

Current Mood: lethargic

Hmm.. how to start....

I'm married. She's married.
Oh yar. I'm the one who married her.
So, we're married ;p

Wedding was over last weekend. Hilarious affair really. Everything from vandalizing the carpark floor to making a fool (cow) out of myself by singing a repertoire of "I am Cow"; to her putting a grape up one end of my trousers and --- it gotten lost in the middle --- getting it out from the other end. Woohoo. ("Honey, that's not the grape you're grabbing...")

Mooooooo.

Actually I don't even know how to describe the wedding.
All I can say is I am a very happy man. haha.

LIFE AFTER MARRIAGE
Time to nitpick at each other's flaws and go for each other's throat. Afterall, we're already married. *shrug*

Grrrrrr *talons* *pounce*

We just tried to kill each other with each other's cooking:

Monday's Menu
Soya sauce chicken, stir-fried veg and fried omelettes
2.25 cups of rice (too much)

Tuesday's Menu
Cheese sausage with charsiew fried rice
2 cups of rice (too much. Became morning's breakfast)

Wednesday's Menu
Potato Corn soup, Small White Veg (xiaobaicai) with garlic, fried wuxiang.
1.75 cups of rice (still too much. *burp*)

Still alive and well. *flex*

Down with flu tho.. from the lack of sleep, potato chips and bad fengshui (the woman staying on the opposite block insists on hanging her BIG pink underwear at the window which greets me good morning every day when I wake up....)

Might be sharing some photos and videos in a while. Stay tuned. =D

Current Mood: married

After a meal...

Was describing to my wife about the only female that talks to me at my workplace.

"Does she know that you're married?"
"I guess so"
"What do you mean you guess so? Don't you talk about me?"
"Don't want to make her uncomfortable mah"
"Why are you so concerned about her?"

then she proceeds to start tearing up the receipt in her hand rather forcefully.

o_O (orchestra music plays "dum da dum dum")

--------------------------------------
Work is exciting. Simply because the boss is not around and isn't even awake when I work AND knock off, it is PARAMOUNT that I clear off all my existing work and leave on the dot.

To heed the call for a better work life. Make it a better place for our children and our children's children. So that they can makes it a better world for them. Make this world a better place for you and for me and the entire human race..

*sparklers*